Listen to My Lies
by theturtlemonster
Summary: She had been at a crossroad. One man, one boy; two possible paths... Bella made a mistake and she lost everything. But what do you do when you know you made the wrong choice and you are standing five feet away from the person that would have given you everything? Five feet, five years of pain and regret that could have been five years of happiness.Oneshot.Please read and review! :


Bella had long mastered the art of acting; a skill that had become a necessity in the years following her departure from Forks. Yet as her eyes locked on the small figure in the next aisle, the smallest of groans fell from her mouth. Dark pixie hair, a child's height, a thin frame… It could only be one person. And that meant the man she every Christmas attempting to avoid was somewhere in the store.

Aware of the futility of doing so, she mentally whispered a prayer to the God that had long forgotten her. But even as she mumbled words to a prayer she only half-remembered, the woman turned her trolley into the aisle where she was standing. Trying not to appear obvious, Bella quickly averted her gaze and fixed her stare on the array of vegetables in varying states of freshness and decay in front of her. But as fate would have it that was exactly where the woman went and immediately sharp blue eyes lit up in surprise.

'Bella!' Self-loathing engulfed Bella's mind as Alice – the best friend she had been forced to leave behind – grinned in delight, her eyes sparkling in way Bella had long forgotten. 'It's been so long! You know, I kept meaning to call, but I never got your new phone number after you moved again.' She laughed; that Tinkle Bell laugh Bella associated with High School and happiness, before …

A frown formed on her face as her thoughts strayed to the path she had taken and the horrors she had been forced to experience. Though 'forced' seemed like too strong a word. What had happened to her was never something she had wanted, but it was her own choices that had led her down that path.

'Bella …' Alice's concerned voice broke her out of her thoughts, and she silently berated herself for letting her guard down – especially in present company. Nothing good would come of it, and Bella quickly rearranged her mask into a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Although Alice's eyes still shone with unease, if she noticed Bella's carefully constructed facade she didn't comment on it. Instead, her former best friend looked at her expectantly, resigned to the custom excuse Bella had become an expert at giving over the years.

Though she wanted nothing more than to break down and cry, to confess what had really happened to her after she left Forks, Bella knew all too well what came of exposing carefully concealed secrets. So instead, Bella grinned at Alice with an excuse easily falling from lips that were experts in deceit. 'Well you know what it's like! God, it's just been so hectic …' Bella sighed, shaking her head wearily. 'There are a million things to do, and I've still got about a dozen boxes to unpack.' Bella grimaced slightly at her lie; the mere thought of leaving anything undone immediately evoked a wave of panic in her mind. Slowly she breathed in and out, attempting to calm her sudden anxiety behind an apologetic smile. 'But Alice I'm so sorry I haven't got a chance to send you the new number.'

She watched Alice's reaction carefully, torn between wishing someone would see through her careful lies and praying no one did. Her eyes were tinged with sorrow as her old friend simply nodded understandingly; believing her as everyone always did.

'Don't worry about it. At least you're home for Christmas. Now you can finally meet Jasper!' Alice's eyes lit up as she described her husband to Bella, a slight blush in her cheeks as she described their disastrous first encounter.

It was with trepidation she observed her friend, carefully observing her mannerisms and dissecting her words. Yet thankfully, Bella could sense no careful lies or masks. Even from her stories, she could sense Jasper genuinely loved Alice and Bella prayed that would never change.

But then, it was so easy to pretend like nothing was wrong … Biting her lip, Bella agreed to meet Jasper just to be sure, as Bella refused to allow Alice to fall into the same disastrous half-life she lived.

After Alice attracted the attention of half the shop with her excited squeals, a twinkle was in her eye, 'We'll have to see if Jasper can compare with that gorgeous –'

She paused abruptly as she got sight of her brother, standing a few feet away from them with a bottle of wine in one hand and cranberry sauce in the other. His eyes were narrowed as he stared at her, and Bella immediately stopped breathing in fright. He was the one person she needed to avoid at all costs. If she was seen, if he saw them together … A fresh wave of panic rose in her chest, and she could feel a lump forming in her throat. Blinking back memories, she tried to stay calm. It didn't help that he was the one person who knew her past the lies she told, her masks, even the heavy concealer that covered the circles under her eyes and bruises under her clothes. She knew he suspected and every time they met they cautiously danced around his misgivings.

For a moment she indulged herself and stared at the man whom she had once sworn to love forever. His tall frame had broadened in the years since High School, his arms more muscular. Age however was beginning to take its toll just as it had on her body. She had laughed long ago that he would wrinkles from all his worrying and Bella was sad to see she had been right. Simply seeing the man that she had broken all those years ago, arose a tsunami of emotions and memories in her mind. If she could only go back, knowing what she knew now … if she could only change that one decision … but alas, what is done cannot be undone.

And yet there he was - the man with whom she could have had a world of happiness, the man that haunted her dreams, the man she loved irrevocably - just a few feet away …

But she could see it in his face: the barely concealed hostility. Her love was not returned and it was with immense difficulty she fought to keep her calm façade and not break down entirely.

Edward's face was cold and unwelcoming, though his eyes burned with anger as he studied the woman he once knew better than himself. Her hair was expertly curled into the latest style, her face was carefully made up with products and her clothes –although clearly high-fashion – conveniently covered every inch of her body with the exception of her face and hands. The woman in front of him was not the girl he had fallen in love with; the girl that had never opened a magazine in her life, the girl that vowed – much to Alice's frustration – never to use make-up and would choose a Wal Mart sweater over 'some snooty fashion label' any day. He knew the Bella Swan he was in love with was there somewhere, but she had faded into the background memory and allowed this ghost of a woman to possess her body. He didn't know when it had happened, he didn't where his best friend had gone, but he strongly suspected why. And it killed him not to know. It killed him that she wouldn't ask for help.

Alice stood awkwardly between them, her sharp blue eyes aware of the unspoken emotions that passed through the air between her brother and her best friend, but unable to name them. Tension was thick in the air, and as their eyes locked for a few moments she swallowed nervously as she feared Edward would say something he would regret. Attempting to relax the atmosphere somewhat, she smiled tightly at her brother and mentally prayed he would at least have the manners to be civil. 'Bella's back for the holidays, isn't that great?'

His lips pressed tightly together, before he bit, 'Fantastic.'

'And she's agreed to meet Jasper, although he probably already feels like he knows you the amount I've told him about you Bella!' Alice laughed weakly as Bella's smile remained strained and Edward continued to stare stonily at the ground. 'So how long are you staying this year, Bella? We didn't even get to spend any time together last year because you and Jacob were only in town for two days.'

Her polite smile immediately vanished to one of horror as a moment too late she realised her mistake. The tension between Bella and Edward rose to a climax, with Bella's awkward expression instantly changing to one of terror and Edward's to a harsh glare.

A moment later, Bella's smile was back in place too quickly to be genuine. Alice studied her for a moment as a nagging thought in the back of her mind twinged with concern, but she dismissed it as Bella began speaking. 'Just a few days. Jacob could only take so much time off work after all.'

A bushy eyebrow rose, and Edward unexpectedly spoke. 'I didn't realise _mechanics_ had such important jobs the world couldn't survive without them for a few days during the Christmas break.'

Bella smiled coolly as the dance began, praying her mask would survive the inquisition she was about to face. 'People break down regardless of what day it is.'

'Of course. But surely there are other mechanics Jacob employs who can work holidays for him?'

'Yes, but you know Jacob. He's all about family and he would hate to spend Christmas messing about with cars when he could be with Bella. But his whole life is that garage.' Alice smiled fondly as Bella heaved a breath of relief. It was naïve of Alice to so blindly trust her, but it was always useful to see her own lies falling from Alice's mouth as evidence against her brother's shrewd observations.

'So I've been told.' Green eyes gazed at Bella for a moment before he continued, 'Where is he anyway?'

'Oh, he's just checking over my car back at the house. There's a few dents on it Jacob offered to fix.'

'That's so good of him.' Alice chirped and Bella nodded, smiling that smile: the oh-what-a-brilliant-husband-I-have smile. Yet inside she could feel the dam inside her beginning to break as she remembered _how_ the car had been dented. And she needed – desperately – to get away. She couldn't handle this. She was breaking down. Her mask was crumbling and every second she looked at Edward she could feel her mind drifting down a dangerous path.

But would it be so bad to tell someone? Someone who knew her, who understood her, that had even loved her once upon a time? Surely he could do something and she could escape this hell, this eternal torture and fear of discovery …

But no. She had tried that once before.

Memories flashed through her mind of that day. Small pictures, static, phrases that had passed between her and her father as she finally told someone. Even when she tried to remember it, to recall her father's final words … only pieces came back to her. But they were enough. Enough to haunt her nightmares when they weren't of Jacob. Never when she wanted to could she conjure what her father had told her. But the fragmented memories haunted her at the most inopportune moments.

She had been married to Jacob for a year when it happened. Like most newlyweds, they were barely making ends meet. The night before Jacob had been fired from his latest job, and he came home in a drunken rage. It hadn't been as bad back then; it was only when Jacob got drunk that he became violent. Normally it was fine, she stayed out of his way and Jacob only knocked her around a little. And in the morning when the alcohol wore off he was so sweet … He would make her breakfast, apologise and tell her how much he loved her. When he saw her bruises, he always appeared so genuinely repulsed and he always vowed never to hurt her again. Looking back, Bella knew how stupid and naïve she was to forgive him time and time again. But back then, she was in love and stupid and she thought even though he wasn't perfect, Jacob would always be her Romeo.

That night was different. They had been in the kitchen; Jacob was sitting at the table drinking their way into debt and Bella was washing the dishes as quietly as she could. She had been taking one out of the sink when the phone rang. As she jumped, the plate slid from her finger it smashed into dozens of pieces in one deafening crash. Almost as if it was out of a horror novel, where every that could possibly go wrong did, the answering machine picked up '_You have a new message from Alice Cullen. Press one to play, two to save or three to delete.'_

Slowly Jacob's dark angry eyes had turned to stare at her on her knees, half sobbing with fear as she frantically picked up the sharp ceramic pieces in her hands.

'You gave her our number?' She could still remember the feeling of her heart pounding in her chest as she nodded, a tightness in her throat as she battled tears and begged to God to let Jacob let it go.

He stood and walked torturously slowly towards her, his eyes narrowed as he bent down beside her. His hand clenched around her jaw and forced her eyes to meet his, 'You will look at me when I speak to you.'

'I'm sorry…' she whispered. 'I just, I …'

'I know what you wanted. I told you not to stay in contact with Edward so you decided to find a loophole.' She frantically shook her head, but it was impossible. Even as she opened her mouth to speak, he shoved her onto the ground and the place shards she had been holding in her hand flew everywhere. She felt a punch in her side, a kick and then indescribable pain …

In every movie, in all books when someone is getting seriously injured everything fades to black or they lost consciousness. Bella wished that had happened to her. Because she had felt everything: every blow.

Eventually Jacob stopped and passed out on the floor next to her and as he began snoring, Bella knew she needed to leave, to get away. So she called her father and that was all she remembered other than fragments of her father arriving, his horror at the state of her injuries and Bella remembered vaguely confessing to what had been going on. Charlie had taken her to the bathroom to help her clean up, and for a moment – barely a minute – he had gone out to get a first aid kit. But it was long enough for Jacob who unbeknownst to her had been up for enough time to know what was going on, to knock her unconscious. Then he had proceeded to ensure no one knew of his drunken activies.

Bella could feel nausea bubbling in her chest as she thought of his sickening act, and utter horror at her inability to prevent what had happened. Weakness washed over her and she fell to her knees, tears streaming down her cheeks and sobs wracking her body. She was breaking. Crashing. She could feel a trembling hand touching her, voices asking she was okay and people staring at her in horror. It was too much. It all too much.

And as familiar hands stroked her face and a velvet voice whispered it was okay, she wanted to confess more than ever that nothing was okay.

But she had learnt her lesson. It had just taken the murder of her father to learn it.

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**Please review **

**A little much … I think I may have overdone it a little, but I figured I would announce the birth of my new laptop Bettie 1.2 with a dramatic one-shot. :L Hopefully Shadowed Pain will be updated soon enough, but I have a lot of exams right now and I haven't slept in a long time :P But once they're over, expect an fabulously awesome gigantic update. **


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